Relationships aren’t always easy to maintain, especially when there are barriers outside of your control.
The college experience opens the door for all kinds of new relationship challenges such as casual dating, communicating with professors, roommate issues or navigating interpersonal issues in your student organization.
IUPUI Health and Wellness Promotion’s annual Healthy Relationships Week (formerly Sexual Responsibility Week) will run from Feb. 8 to 12. Healthy Relationships Week is a week of programming dedicated to safer sex, consent, self-love and more. For the full list of events, visit the DoSA calendar.
To kick off the week, HWP’s Ryan Anderson has ten key words for you to keep in mind as you navigate all of the relationships in your life.
Expectations
No one can be everything we might want them to be, and sometimes people disappoint us. It’s not all-or-nothing, though. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.
Communication
This includes expressing needs, wants and feelings and listening for the purpose of understanding. To express those feelings to your friends or partner, finding the best communication pathways for the both of you will be helpful. It’s also important to establish boundaries around communication.
For example: I am not much of morning person, so if someone contacts me before 6 a.m., I am not going to respond right away. My friends and colleagues know this boundary and can set that expectation.
Boundaries
This might sound a little extreme, but the concept is simple -- both people need to be clear with what is okay or not okay in the relationship. Some examples include: asking for consent during sexual situations, how often you communicate with one another and/or respecting your decision to not do something (drink, smoke, skydive, etc.).
Compassion
Practicing compassion does not require fixing everyone’s problems or always agreeing with others. It can be celebrating small and large accomplishments. Also, it can be giving yourself a mental health day or acknowledging failures and how they can be helpful in the long run.
Individuality
You and your partner don’t have to be attached at the hip. Continue to explore your own goals, passions and interests. There will be things you do together, but having some alone time and a sense of self without your partner is key. A partner should respect and honor your goals, passions and interests.
Celebration
Have an appreciation for each other and your relationship. Celebration includes excitement about each other’s hopes, dreams and accomplishments and appreciation of each person’s uniqueness. Take time to learn how each partner prefers to celebrate and be celebrated.
Balance
I have come to love the phrase, “only you can fill your life.” Don’t overload on activities, but do use your time in college to get involved. A partner can be a wonderful part of your life, as with having a large group of friends.
Conflict
Conflict will be a part of any relationship. It can manifest itself in many different ways, but the goal is to find resolution for the conflict at hand. Conflict resolution does not mean one person always gets their way -- no one should feel pressured to compromise their values. Conflicts should be addressed and not be kept “bottled up.”
Unhealthy
Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. It is important to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship because such relationships have the potential to escalate into violence or abuse. Many times, these behaviors are used to gain power and control and can have a negative impact on your health and day to day life. Some signs of an unhealthy relationship are jealousy, manipulation, sabotage and/or volatility.
Checking in
Yes, I know, it’s two words, but checking in is too important to not include. Similar to others words on this list, checking in is an intrapersonal and interpersonal process. It’s important to check in with yourself and assess if you feel comfortable, safe and respected in your relationships. Interpersonally, sending a quick text, setting up a video call or safely getting together can show someone that you care. You might make their day.
For more programming and services from HWP, like free health and wellness coaching, visit wellness.iupui.edu.