October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and IUPUI’s Counseling and Psychological Services are hosting several events, workshops and more throughout the month under the theme “Love Shouldn’t Hurt.”
IUPUI students can look for an art exhibit encouraging students to submit artwork that depicts the theme, along with various learning opportunities like presentations around healthy relationships and boundaries, consent and technology safety. CAPS will also provide an opportunity to learn more about one of its community partners, Families First, that provides resources and programming for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. All programs and workshops are an effort to get people talking about domestic violence and how they can be a part of the solution.
“We want students to engage in conversations around safe, romantic relationships and healthy expressions of love and affection,” said Christine Kung’u, assistant director of interpersonal violence prevention and response. “We want our campus community to stand with survivors and learn more about domestic violence, because we all play an important part in ending domestic violence in our communities.”
If students find themselves in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, there are resources available for support, both confidential and reporting. CAPS understands that everyone’s circumstance is different and aims to talk through individual circumstances, while offering options for safety planning and support that are unique to each situation. Students will not be forced to disclose but can ask questions pertaining to safety planning, support while on campus and reporting options under the Discrimination, Harassment and Sexual Misconduct Policy.
“I want to students to know that it is okay to ask for help,” said Kung’u.
Kung’u says the most dangerous time for someone in an abusive relationship is when they leave the relationship, and it is why it’s imperative for a survivor to have a safety plan in place when they decide to leave an abusive partner. At the same time, it is important to know that there may be multiple reasons why a survivor is not leaving an abusive relationship, including concerns about safety, where they share children, where an abuser is withholding traveling or legal documents and also because they genuinely care for the person causing them harm and hope they will change. Kung’u says if you know someone experiencing dating and domestic violence, it is important to be compassionate and understand that they may not be ready to take any action.
Starting the conversation can be difficult though, but Kung’u has four tips for those speaking with survivors.
- Ask: It’s okay to check in with a friend you’re concerned about. Know your friend may have mixed feelings about you approaching them. Be patient.
- Listen: Be respectful and be non-judgmental. Really listen to what your friend is going through and ask ways that you can support them.
- Support: Offering to support a friend requires you to go at their pace, and this means that your friend may not be ready to make the changes you think are best for them, such a leaving the relationship or reporting the abuse. It is important to respect their choice. When they are ready to make changes, having your support would be helpful.
- Refer: Expressing your concern to a friend, is important. Do not issue ultimatums. Remember that choice is theirs. It is important to talk to your friend about resources that you feel may be helpful, this includes counseling, reporting options if they are ready to do that and safety planning options. Share the resources with your friend. If you are able, offer to sit with them or be with them when they make a call. At IUPUI, you can refer the student to CAPS to speak to the confidential advocate or with a counselor (317-274-2548). There are also several resources available online.
For a complete list of workshops and activities, check out the events calendar and follow CAPS on Twitter. IUPUI’s Sexual Assault Prevention, Intervention and Response Task Force is also on Twitter and Instagram.